Fear Of Rejection
The fear of rejection in adult life comes from several different factors. For some it’s social anxiety, shyness or maybe they just need to get out more. Believe it or not as much as Social Rejection is a big deal, fixing the problem isn’t. In order to get over fear of rejection you have to first understand where it comes from, and for most of us it’s something we can control.
What it usually boils down to for many is ONE traumatic event from somewhere deep in the past. Maybe he asked a girl out and everyone found out he got rejected; that’s where his fear of rejection came from and prevents him from ever approaching again. Maybe he was picked on as he grew up and that forced him to have low self-esteem. Once we figure out what those one or two events are sometimes what happens is a flood of that painful emotion comes back.
Its good reasoning to use that as a corner stone for predicting what will happen in the future. But it’s not good logic. I’ve asked some of my shy friends to approach a group he wanted to talk to and instantly he froze up. It was in a setting where he knew no one but me.
After doing some digging we figured out that his real fear was that I’M there. That whatever the outcome is I’ll always remember, and that’s embarrassing for him. It explained why he was a lot less shy when he’s on vacation in other countries, where he gets to goof off with some of his close friends and never worry if anyone else will remember him.
Another thing I found interesting is that whatever the ULTIMATE embarrassment scenario is, it almost never happens. Or it never happens to the extent as we imagine it to be.
The fastest way I found to get over the fear of rejection is to take baby steps. Do whatever it is you’re afraid of socially but do it in small extents. For example if you and your friend are sitting at a café or bar and you want to speak to an attractive woman…start a conversation with your friend, something interesting maybe something you guys disagree on and then turn to her and say “Hey what do YOU think is the right answer?”
This way it’s kind of like you and your friend started the conversation together with her. Do things in groups or pairs.
Hope that helps.
And do me a favor, if you want more detailed tactics and techniques right now click here and download my ebook.
Talk to you again.
Your friend,
Chris C.
Photo Credit Graur Codrin
Great blog ! I have difficulty because I feel as if everyone sees me as the “quiet guy” etc and so it is hard to break out of that expectation that is placed on me. Can you give tips how overcome this? How do you stop caring what others think?
Also I have trouble making friends because I am always self conscious and self monitoring in social situations and feel so awkward, can you give tips to becoming spontaneous relaxed and outwardly focused?
How’s it going Bryan, Chris C here.
Yeah it sucks doesn’t it when you try so hard to stop being shy but it seems like others hold you back? Not only that, but you also feel like you’re running against a wall inside yourself that’s also holding you back. The short answer is you’re giving off a subtle communication that signals to others you’re shy. And they respond according to it. It creates a loop where they behave towards you based on your signals and in turn you feel like you’re boxed in. That’s one underlying cause in this scenario. To explain that further your past behavior and demeanor hold more authority in their minds than your present burst of attempts. Basically their overall experience of who-you-are overshadows you. To show you how to smash though this barrier and prevent this from happening again will take me pages and pages to do, give a specific situation that you want to deal with and I’ll tackle it for you. As for the rest of your questions, believe it or not I put together a method and a system that you can follow to solve those very issues. Scroll up to the top, click “products” and check out my ebook where I go in-depth on how to overcome shyness, create an amazing social life, have fluid conversations and the list goes on. Trust me, once you get a hold of the book even if I tried to pry it out of your hands I wouldn’t be able to do it. Try it out and if you don’t like it you can return it
. And do me a favor, I’ve also included my personal email inside the ebook so email me and let me know what you think.
Talk to you again,
Your friend,
Chris C.