Fear Of Rejection

Graur Codrin2The fear of rejection in adult life comes from several different factors. For some it’s social anxiety, shyness or maybe they just need to get out more. Believe it or not as much as Social Rejection is a big deal, fixing the problem is not. In order to get over fear of rejection you have to first understand where it comes from, and for most of us it’s something we can control.

What it usually boils down to is ONE traumatic event from somewhere deep in the past. Maybe he asked a girl out and everyone found out he got rejected; that’s where his fear of rejection comes from and prevents him from ever approaching again. Maybe he was picked on as he grew up and that forced him to have low self-esteem. Once we figure out what those one or two events are generally what happens is a flood of painful emotion comes back.

Its reasonable to predict future events based on this ONE event from our past. But it’s not sound logic. I asked my shy friend to approach a group he wants to talk to and instantly he froze up. It’s in a setting where he knew no one but me. This happens to not only him but many others who have a fear of rejection.

After doing some digging we figured out his real fear is that I’M present. That whatever the outcome is I’ll always remember, and that’s embarrassing for him. It explained why he was less shy when he’s on vacation in other countries, where he gets to goof off with his close friends and never worry if anyone will remember him.

Another thing I found interesting is that whatever the ULTIMATE embarrassing scenario is, it almost never happens. Or it never happens to the extent as we imagine it to be.

The fastest way I found to get over the fear of rejection is to take baby steps. Do whatever it is you’re afraid of socially but do it in small extents. For example if you and your friend are sitting at a café or bar and you want to speak to an attractive woman…start a conversation with your friend, something interesting maybe something you guys disagree on and then turn to her and say “Hey what do YOU think is the right answer?”

This way you and your friend started the conversation together with her. Do things in groups or pairs.

This makes it easier to overcome fear of rejection. Another method is learning conversation skills that sets you up to not have this problem to begin with, learn what makes people distance themselves from you, ways to neutralize rejection and learn exact psychology so

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