“Nice guys finish last” I’m sure many shy men can relate with this.
I’ve seen over the years that shy men have an air of “I’ll always be nice no matter what.” They are easily forgiving of others regardless of what the situation is.
Overly NICE guys also tend to remember things others did even though on the outside he’s forgiving about it; and these incidents just keep piling up more and more.
And after reflecting “Why are they so nice even after being ‘pushed’ around?” I realized it came down to one factor.
That behavior comes from FEAR.
And here’s what really makes nice guys finish last…
When others are disapproving of us we feel the need to be even NICER just so we don’t lose whatever is left of their approval.
This is dangerously wrong and the results are quite the opposite. They can see you’ll do whatever it takes to hold on to acceptance and approval and they’ll keep as much of it away as possible. This is so you continue going the extra mile for whatever is left. It leaves you feeling exhausted, tired and sometimes confused as to why your efforts seldom get you lasting results.
Once upon a time that was ME, back when I didn’t have a clue.
The solution is to do the exact opposite. When others do something towards you that you don’t like make sure to show your displeasure towards it. Make YOUR attention and approval more scarce and therefore more valuable.
When it comes to treading over your personal time, property and your self-respect have less tolerance over others.
But don’t do it in a way where you freak-out. If someone always flakes on you when you’re supposed to meet and they only bother to keep in touch over the internet or the phone. Just cut them away, stop talking to them, stop replying to their text messages. Months later they’ll ask why you guys lost in touch (usually that’s when things aren’t going well for them and You come to mind as their last resort).
Just say along the lines of “All those times you flaked spoke a lot louder than you sitting behind the computer screen typing ‘yeah we haven’t seen each other in a while.’ So I left it at that.”
Depending whether it’s male or female you’ll talk different. But I found the flakiness is mostly an issue with females.
If you want to learn more about why nice guys finish last, things you could be doing right now that sabotages your chances with girls and standing out in groups