From self-help advice on dating to sexual strategies to overcoming anxiety and shyness. Those who buy products like these tend to buy them over and over again. Why is that?
The reason is authors of these self-help books and products base their techniques on satisfying an insecurity.
They don’t work on handling the insecurity, they work on providing the demand it creates.
Here’s a typical dating/sex advice I’ve seen in numerous occasions from several authors:
“If she says ‘not tonight’ you should punish her by not giving her attention. If she does something you like you should reward her by giver her more attention.”
My question is…if she doesn’t want to have sex tonight why do you feel the need to act on it? The basis of it being…she says “not tonight” guy feels that ping of rejection, and to compensate for it uses a mental “combat” technique.
If you haven’t caught that, what the technique is doing is feeding the insecurity. They see your insecurity and start egging it on And…creating a self-perpetual loop that’s hard to get out of.
A lot of these books provide great advice, the unfortunate thing is “feeding insecurity” is weaved in so you’re always looking for ways to stay ahead of the “game”. When actually it’s just a loop, being the illusion that you’re ahead.
It’s to keep you coming back. It doesn’t make you hungry for knowledge, it just makes you want more of the exact same information.
So who’s most vulnerable to these tactics? It’s shy, socially awkward or introverted men who keep coming back for more because the underlying message being delivered is “you need to stay ahead”. Sending the message that you’ll get left behind.
How do I know this? Well, I went through dozens of such programs like dating, relationships etc… and what I found is that most of them SUCK! Yet they’re selling like hot cakes.
I have yet to see a book or program out there that says “Here are the techniques to make a woman BEG to be with you. But if she’s acting up and you’re not getting the sex that you want then there’s probably some deeper underlying issue between you two. Simply leave… and end on a good note. Because the techniques I just taught you will get you more women than you can handle instead of wasting time playing games.”
Why would you want to “pretend” to be ready to walk away? Just do it when you two are still on good terms.
In order to get out of that insecurity “loop” and find something that WORKS you need to find advice that focuses on deeper issues. The brains that we are born with today isn’t radically different from the brains people were born with 30years ago. We might have different societal cultures but essentially we play out the same game from thousands of years ago.
It’s still a mating game, it’s still a status game, getting acceptance etc…
So there’s fundamental wiring inside of us that we can work with. These “wiring” provides more effective strategies than your surface level techniques that you have to constantly replenish.
If you want examples of deeper underlying dynamics that are unchanging read some of the articles I wrote on:
I also wrote an ebook about the deeper more powerful aspects of social dynamics and self-help that I won’t refer to you yet. Check out some of my articles and if you think they make sense and you’re ready then you can check out what the ebook has to offer because IT’S NOT for everyone.
But if you feel compelled and want to read about it anyway click here to find out more. See if you resonate with any of the stuff I talk about. And if you do, I highly recommend you get it because you won’t find it anywhere else.
Talk to you again,
Photo Credit: Graur Codrin